Selfless Self-Love
- Madelaine Steber
- Apr 25, 2015
- 4 min read
Selfless Self-Love
by Madelaine Grace
Disclaimer: I do not write and am not writing with the intent to educate, condescend, or claim that I’m accredited in speaking on any other person's behalf. I'm also not saying self-centered people aren't out there, they are.
Are we not taught to market ourselves to our employers with a resume and proper attire? Do we not have dating websites, selfie sticks, and a variety of social and professional profiles such as Linkedin, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram? Even Snapchat is a faster way to share the highlights of our favorite moments on purpose.
We put ourselves out there, carefully edited, to show the world our best face, yet it is forever true that we are a judgmental species. Sometimes we think that a person clogging our social newsfeed with their "20th” selfie is pretty narcissistic, “like, thanks for sharing your flawless face, under that perfect lighting.” No one is safe from our ego's patronizing monologue, not our self, not the people we love, or anyone in between, because our ego is manifested from the outside in.
{ Source: Via the beautiful people on Tumblr }
A counselor once asked me to tell her about myself, so I rattled off what I knew from outside resources, “I’m athletic, outgoing, and energetic." In the time it took me to spout those descriptions, my subconscious ego (hiding underneath my conscious like the clever girl she is) was also saying to me, "I’m not really that athletic, I actually talk too much, and I might really just be obnoxious.” My ego is nasty. She manipulates me into identifying myself based off an influenced perception. She simultaneously informs me, that I am not any good either way. My Ego is a negative outside source posing as an internal ideal, in other words, she's fake.
Unfortunately our ego is the strongest voice in our head, inhibiting the most insecurity, with the ability to hypnotize us into believing this voice as our truth.
When I was also asked to point out my best physical features, I was not able to. We learn as little girls that speaking about our physical features in a positive manner is considered self centered and rude, right? My ego knows this. In fact, my ego knows this so well that she usually has a lot of nasty things to say about my physical appearance. Our ego is so clever and well hidden in our subconscious that most of us don’t know that this voice is there. This voice can rationalize our self-doubt, hide behind perception, and limit us.
The ego is again negatively conquering our subconscious into becoming "humble" when really... we're just being mean to ourselves.
This is why there is sometimes a lack of joy, satisfaction, or value, when we are recognized or praised for our external identity, because we may not feel adequate to this perception and it can cause us to feel guilty or deceitful to others and/or to ourselves.
Times are changing for the better but the negative habit of judging others and our selves is what sticks. It’s the worst. It’s hard to shake but in order to create change, using empowering strategies instead of the online shaming we see out there today is a must. Maybe it’s time to appreciate the amount of courage, the person with the “20th” selfie has, instead of criticizing what we believe to be, their every flaw.
By paying attention to our insecure and negative thoughts we’re more likely to discredit that negativity and create a new, more authentic truth for ourselves. What better way to laugh in our ego's face than to be positive, mindful, and appreciate being ourselves with a selfie after finally mastering that liquid eye liner, or a picture after climbing a mountain, maybe we just want to share our silly side? Maybe we feel fabulous, or want to simply share our story…
So the next time we judge that one extra selfie on Instagram, or think, “what a douche!” By that person sharing that mirror pic on Facebook...
Stop and pay attention. Identify the ego and notice it compromising our positive vibes.
REDEFINE THE SELFIE AND WHAT IT MEANS TO OUR EGO.
All it takes are a few baby steps at a time to kick the "selfie" shaming out the door. If we’re going to post something about our self let's make it for our self. Let's redefine the selfie stigma from seeking attention to empowering self worth. Start showing it off and begin reciprocating it to others, even if we have to revise our initial instinct to judge. Embrace the face. We are less likely to judge or to feel envious if we have already gotten in the habit of loving our self. The ego will never go away, but we can change its way of thinking if we want to.
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” –Marianne Williamson
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